Sue Vertue

Three eggs, three women, three possibilities. Now Sally's blurted out how she feels to Patrick and has convinced herself it's not meant to be. More importantly, she really, really doesn't want to produce a bald, noisy thing that will destroy her life - and decides to use Jane and Susan as a pregnancy control test, which leads to some unexpected revelations.

Steve has been having problems with being witty and eloquent on the phone to Susan. Susan invites him 'round for supper at her place. As Jeff expounds on "the sock gap" and offers advice on foreplay and his theory on celebrity marriages, he has no idea Susan can overhear everything. Meanwhile, Patrick invites Sally on a date to a motor show. Elsewhere, to everyone's surprise, Jane materializes with Howard, a particularly good-looking young man.

Jeff is in the cramped store cupboard searching the shelves. His new boss Julia enters. He's struck by her amazing 'top of the range' eyes and the fact that she is 'covered in breasts.' Meanwhile Julia tells Susan she's met someone 'edible' at the office. But is it ever acceptable to kiss someone really junior at work? And was there really detectable NAT between them? (NAT: Noise Avoidance Tilting - the first signpost on the road to intimate squelching.)...

Following an argument, Steve and Susan split up and make their separate ways to the Temple Of Woman. The entire episode is shown in split-screen. Susan is furious; Steve is as indecisive as ever. They are both sleepless and miserable. Steve seeks solace in lager, dirty video games and reaching for the phone, Susan in a soggy handkerchief and a self-help book about soul mates, faith and why men are rubbish.

Sally is lonely, unhappy and unfulfilled. And then she goes and spoils it all. Susan has been redecorating the bathroom, only she's removed the lock from the bathroom door and declutching is now out of the question for Steve.

Steve has lost his apartment keys and goes to Susan's to find them. But instead he finds Sally stepping out of the shower... How can he ever tell Susan that he's seen her best friend's bottom? "You have seen into the heart of the forbidden lands," Jeff tells him, "You must never speak of what you saw!" Steve must also steer clear of Captain Subtext, who will collude with the Prickles, the Blurts and the Head Laugh to tell Susan everything. All this...

In the salon Sally is slumped in front of the mirror examining her expanding face with Susan, when Jane stumbles in dramatically and tells them she's been totally and utterly sacked from her job as a flying eye with the local radio station. As the girls hit the vodka bottle, and discuss other career options for Jane, she shyly admits she has a plan. Meanwhile a grim looking Patrick strides into the bar. He has decided to terminate his latest girlfriend...